Hello there.
A very perplexing thing has occurred. I am caught straight betwixt truth and my own emotions. The latter seems to be weighing more than I would have predicted.
As my custom is. I step out to preach the gospel of my Dear Lord Jesus Christ, how that he died and was buried and how he rose and was seen of men. Today I set out to do just that. But today was different. My sister in Christ who I pair with is sick and I called. “Hello sister, it’s time. I’m on my way. Where do we meet?” for now we have no place to do bible study so we gather to pray and go out to preach. My Dear sister says she’s sick and just leaving the hospital. Of course I knew she was quite ill during the week. She bade me off with God’s blessings and asked for me to give report later which I’m yet to. So we end the call. Prior to me making the call. I’m praying in the Spirit. Desirous of the miraculous as I step out. Desirous of it raw as it was like the days of Jesus, as I pray I make use of my imagination and images of the crippled walking, one-legged people growing limbs back, blind seeing, wheelchaired people walking, dead people whom cotton wool is stuffed in their noses jerking up to life). I wrote certain portions of the scriptures down about the Love of God as I was led to focus on that. So I flowed, saying in my heart “In the miraculous, the love of God is displayed, chaos is set to order”. John 3:16-17, 1John 3:1, 1John 4:9-10, John 15:13, John 10:10. I held on to Brother Paul’s words of 1 Corinthians 15, saying if Christ be not raised we are of all men most miserable. Knowing I believed(I accept), I say I’m not miserable. I prayed for 30, 45 minutes approximately then I made the call.
By 2pm, I decide to set off. I walk, praying under my breath in the Spirit. I had never done such thing as I prayed also for boldness. I pass the first junction of a certain street. I don’t know, I had this urge to go into the street, I say “Lord please be clear, help me, you know me better, let your directions be sharp and unmissable to my ears and my eyes and my nose and my understanding”, that I said. I keep on moving, just ahead I see a man pushing this lady on a wheel chair begging for alms, observing there might be language barrier in communication I still forge ahead. Just as we got close, they make a turn into the next street approaching some people for alms. I miss them. I keep on moving. Just before I reached the next street junction, I see a blind woman with her daughters begging for alms, she being held by one and the other just trailing from behind. I approach them, tell the woman if she wishes to see. “Yes!”. I lay my hands on her eyes and head, “mama, receive your sight in the name of Jesus Christ” I said. I took my hands off, looked at her, said “mama see”, her eyes were still shut like how the holy spirit says he’s sealed in us. I say “mama, I’m going to do this again, Lord confirm your words that you spoke, tear off the scales off her eyes”, nothing visible happened. I say to her “mama when I say such things, I want you to receive, by believing”. Just as I was about to do it again the daughter holding her leads her to set on. I said to wait, she said she was tired that she had to go. I followed them, “mama you want moni or you wan dey look” in a local dialect. “I wan dey look”, just as her daughter leads her on, they urge me to go that they’re coming back. Of course it’s like giving me false hope of expectancy. I retreat, bidding them farewell. I head back for home saying to the Lord, why has this happened, no this can’t happen, a miracle happened, why didn’t it get visible(speaking by faith), Lord you said these signs shall follow them that believe, I’ve been embarrassed Lord. I was sad, a gentle wind blew past me with a thought, “she’s received her healing”. I couldn’t come to terms with this thought, was it God speaking or “just” my own thoughts. I say “I can’t be defeated, I can heal the sick, did I miss the leading of God when I felt I should have gone to the street earlier?”. I go home, wanting to pray, to comfort myself, to read the bible much more about healing and the miraculous, where did I miss it?. I read somewhere that God doesn’t enable people do this because of their desires to be famous or wealthy. It’s became as though, that was why I didn’t see a visible result then. I say and know deep down, Lord I’m not desirous for this to be famous or wealthy. Why? It’d be something beautiful for such to happen. Moreover Lord, you never said anything about the intentions, you only said “these signs shall follow them that believe, in my name they shall…”. Lord give me a miracle or I die, I begin to speak like the woman in Genesis when she asked for a child.
Speak a word of comfort to me. I’m still going to lay my hands again and again. But I need a word of season. Say the right words by the Holy spirit. I don’t think I can face my local church with such a report, I preached the gospel is all I can say. I am sad the Lord knows but I still know God’s power is real and active, quick and powerful.
Your brother.
John.
