My Journey from Doubt to Faith

I’m a 20-year-old guy living in Brazil. I was born and raised in a Christian denomination—and environment—that is extremely fundamentalist. Since I was a kid, I was taught that science is wrong and only tries to disprove God’s existence.

After my father’s death in 2019 (I was 14), I started to question things. Even though I was still a Christian, I began to value atheists more than Christians. But that phase ended in 2021, after the pandemic.

In 2023, when I was 18, I met the first skeptic in my life. Although that person never tried to convince me of anything, their presence made me start doubting God’s existence. That was followed by constant panic and anxiety attacks. I desperately searched for answers everywhere. After some months of digging around the internet, I came across the Discovery Institute. At that time, I became anti-evolution and opposed to secularism in science. But that “love” didn’t last forever. I soon discovered that their work was heavily criticized and, in the end, they didn’t offer any real answers about why to believe in the Christian God.

That’s when I found online communities like the Sentinel Apologetics Discord server—people who don’t deny science, who engage seriously with scholarship, and who helped me rebuild my perspective. Thanks to their work, I found a more balanced and thoughtful way to approach faith.

Today, I’m a Christian—though a pretty liberal one when it comes to the Bible. I don’t believe in a literal Adam and Eve, I think many things in the Gospels are either embellished or made up (especially the birth narrative), that Jesus expected an eminent end of times (kind of a failed prophecy), and so on.

I want to thank Michell for his amazing reply to one of my posts here, where he explained why he is a theist. And thanks to everyone else here and in other communities who helped me not lose my faith!

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Thanks for sharing your story, Lucas! I’m glad you were able to break out of the all-or-nothing mindset and see harmony between science and faith. Sometimes there are many “phases” to the journey, as you have described, but I’m glad you’ve come to find faith again, and I’m sure your experiences will prove valuable as you continue to interact with different people and ideas.

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I often say that I mostly defend 3 things: science, Christianity, and atheism. Science definitely comes first and I make no bones about the fact that this is the interpretive filter through which I look at the Bible and Christianity. I am a scientist who has found value in Christianity. But while I think Christianity is basically correct, I also think atheism is a perfectly rational option also. And I also think atheism is very much preferable to a lot of the versions of Christianity I see pushed by many people. I find the atheist idea of nonexistence after death to be rather hopefully restful rather than fearful – if anything a little too good to be true. But of course I like even better my vision of eternal life in a relationship with an infinite God who has no end of new things for us to learn and become.

I like to tell people about “The Myth of Sisyphus” by Albert Camus, which comes to the conclusion that we can be content with defiance against unjust gods no matter what punishments they bring down on us, for it is enough that we refuse to be like them. My greatest horror isn’t suffering but becoming the very evil which I despise. I would prefer fiery torment in hell to becoming a craven worm in service of an evil god. I have found this to be a useful tool as a Christian in deciding what is worth believing in.