My Journey from Doubt to Faith

[Alamini (Lucas Alamini)]

I’m a 20-year-old guy living in Brazil. I was born and raised in a Christian denomination—and environment—that is extremely fundamentalist. Since I was a kid, I was taught that science is wrong and only tries to disprove God’s existence.

After my father’s death in 2019 (I was 14), I started to question things. Even though I was still a Christian, I began to value atheists more than Christians. But that phase ended in 2021, after the pandemic.

In 2023, when I was 18, I met the first skeptic in my life. Although that person never tried to convince me of anything, their presence made me start doubting God’s existence. That was followed by constant panic and anxiety attacks. I desperately searched for answers everywhere. After some months of digging around the internet, I came across the Discovery Institute. At that time, I became anti-evolution and opposed to secularism in science. But that “love” didn’t last forever. I soon discovered that their work was heavily criticized and, in the end, they didn’t offer any real answers about why to believe in the Christian God.

That’s when I found online communities like the Sentinel Apologetics Discord server—people who don’t deny science, who engage seriously with scholarship, and who helped me rebuild my perspective. Thanks to their work, I found a more balanced and thoughtful way to approach faith.

Today, I’m a Christian—though a pretty liberal one when it comes to the Bible. I don’t believe in a literal Adam and Eve, I think many things in the Gospels are either embellished or made up (especially the birth narrative), that Jesus expected an eminent end of times (kind of a failed prophecy), and so on.

I want to thank Michell for his amazing reply to one of my posts here, where he explained why he is a theist. And thanks to everyone else here and in other communities who helped me not lose my faith!

[Laura]

Thanks for sharing your story, Lucas! I’m glad you were able to break out of the all-or-nothing mindset and see harmony between science and faith. Sometimes there are many “phases” to the journey, as you have described, but I’m glad you’ve come to find faith again, and I’m sure your experiences will prove valuable as you continue to interact with different people and ideas.

[mitchellmckain (Scientist and Christian)]

I often say that I mostly defend 3 things: science, Christianity, and atheism. Science definitely comes first and I make no bones about the fact that this is the interpretive filter through which I look at the Bible and Christianity. I am a scientist who has found value in Christianity. But while I think Christianity is basically correct, I also think atheism is a perfectly rational option also. And I also think atheism is very much preferable to a lot of the versions of Christianity I see pushed by many people. I find the atheist idea of nonexistence after death to be rather hopefully restful rather than fearful – if anything a little too good to be true. But of course I like even better my vision of eternal life in a relationship with an infinite God who has no end of new things for us to learn and become.

I like to tell people about “The Myth of Sisyphus” by Albert Camus, which comes to the conclusion that we can be content with defiance against unjust gods no matter what punishments they bring down on us, for it is enough that we refuse to be like them. My greatest horror isn’t suffering but becoming the very evil which I despise. I would prefer fiery torment in hell to becoming a craven worm in service of an evil god. I have found this to be a useful tool as a Christian in deciding what is worth believing in.

[Mervin_Bitikofer]

We’re glad you found your way out of all that, Lucas! So many here are on similar journeys - where truth and a belief that there is an objective reality we hold in common that can tell us some things at least about the Creator - if you believe that God is a God of all truth and therefore there is nothing to fear from what science helps reveal, then this is a great place for you! And as you’ve no doubt found out by now, we host a great many voices around here including those who very much disagree and still try to hearken back to the fundamentalisms you’ve escaped from. So just beware that it isn’t like these discussions are one unified voice that accepts science!

[Alamini (Lucas Alamini)]

You’re always very insightful, Mitchell!

I totally agree with you about atheism being preferable over some types of Christianity.

The only thing that sometimes bothers me a little bit is that we can’t know for sure that God exists, but as far as I’ve studied a little bit of philosophy, I believe that the existence of God is at least more likely!

[Terry_Sampson]

• I’m going to post the bit about morality in here I didn’t elsewhere previously, rather than starting a new thread just for it. I got it from an member of another forum, and it impressed me strongly enough to remember it years later.
• “I am sorry that you never personally knew your grandparents. I am fortunate in that regard.
  Do you doubt that they existed? Don’t we all live because our grandparents existed?
  Any old OG knows he got to where he is because of help from those that came before him.
  Gratitude is the basis of any rational morality. Any other explanation is nonsense. It’s not religious or philosophical… it’s rational.
  Take care of your grandparents and parents, just like they’ve taken care of you. Excuse me, I have moral work to do.”
• That impressed me because, although all of my biological grandparents were dead before I was born, they certainly were around for my parents, and with the exception of a wayward male ancestor or two, made a positive difference in my step- and adoptive parents’ lives, and they were profound positive influences on me.
• So gratitude is an attitude/emotion that comes easily to me, even now that all my parents are dead. And, because my non-biological parents were committed Christians, gratitude to the God and Lord they believed in. comes easily.
• One of the interesting, and most important, consequences of that is that I’ve come to the conclusion that anyone who intentionally or recklessly diminishes the gratitude or prevents the gratitude of another living being becomes, IMO, an evil person until or unless they repent.

[MarkD (A Whateverist, not a Christian)]

Another welcome from me, Lucas. Nice to have younger voices about to help the elders understand how things look to them and what their concerns are. I am not in the Christian fold but not because I am a skeptic or an atheist though I thought I was for a long time.

People who have no sense of who/what God is insisted that being an atheist was just a matter of believing in gods/God. Either you did and were a believer or didn’t and were an atheist. That now seems laughably simplistic to me. Especially because what people have in mind when they speak of God is all over the map. But like the Tao, the God one can name is not the true God (in my not quite humble opinion).

Of course you have a firmer idea about God than I ever had. Whether that is an advantage or burden is hard to say, probably depends on your point of view. One thing I do believe is that we all have beliefs and faith in something, and I think that is a good thing. I prefer to see people hold on to their faith wherever it falls. If it connects you to what is greater inside and out, it will be useful. If you believe for the wrong reason I don’t think that matters much. But believing you don’t have beliefs or faith is just foolish IMO.

Anyhow, for a Christian forums this place has a pretty strong streak of inclusiveness and tries hard to check triumphalism in interactions with people of different faith. I like to say I’m a Whateverist because I believe in whatever the something greater I’ve always felt within. I don’t look to external proofs of anything and think those do more harm than good. But what convinces me is that we all have a better nature that we can sometimes channel and by which we are sometimes granted insight not of our own design. If this wasn’t true then reflection would be useless and amount to no more than rummaging through all your past opinions. But reflection is nothing like that.

Any how hello and welcome, youngster.