Hi everyone. This is my first time posting but I’ve been reading posts every so often for over a year. I’m a 28 year old mother with a 19 month old baby. And I’m going through a tough time. I’ve been seeing some doctors about an undiagnosed, possible health issue. I hate to even type the words, but I’m afraid that I could have ALS. Just thinking about it horrifies me. I don’t know how I haven’t lost my mind yet. My baby is the only reason I put one foot in front of the other. But it all seems so pointless if this is all there is. If there is no God and no hope. Why even try? If that’s the case, I almost wish I had never even existed. I say almost because I will never regret having my daughter. Even if that is my fate, it all would have been worth it just to have her.
But I desperately want God to be real. I need Jesus to be who He says He is. But I’m having such a hard time believing it. I can’t even pray because I’m afraid to be disappointed. I’m afraid of getting my hopes up. I know atheists look down on religious people, saying that we use our religion as a crutch. I use to push back against that idea. But it’s absolutely true for me now. I need Jesus to be everything He says he is. But I’m having a hard time convincing myself because I’m in so much pain. If it weren’t my daughter, I seriously would consider doing something drastic.
I come to this forum and read to try to get some encouragement. But it seems like half the people aren’t even believers in Jesus. It’s honestly a blow to my faith, and I come away discouraged more often than not. Is there anyone that can give me a good apology of the faith or point me to a good resource? If there’s anyone here that is solid in their faith and really knows Jesus, could you pray for me and make intercession please? Please pray for me like you’ve never prayed before. I’m so desperate and spiraling right now. Thank you for listening to me.
I hope you find the help you need Brittany. Let me be the first one to say i completely understand how you feel. I have fought with the giant depression(altough irrelevant here)and ive come out on top.Hope that brings you a little bit of encouragment. Stay strong for your daughter and please dont be discouraged .God is there in our midst of suffering 
Best of luck dear.Everything its gonna be ok
Thank you so much for responding to me. I desperately need someone to talk to. My daughter is asleep beside me and I’m breaking down crying. I haven’t been able to cry in so long, but it seems like some mental block just broke. I prayed to God and I hope He heard me. Could you pray for me as well? I’ve been through depression too. I’m happy you’re better now. And I’m sure you’re all the more empathetic for it. Thank you so much for talking to me.
Ohhh dear.Ill do it for you.I understand. You make me emotional
God hears you.Stay safe.
Me too Bethany.
Will my prayers count? I ALWAYS pray if asked. Immediately. I prayed your message out loud, as an intercession; Father, Bethany says this, as you know…
Just say the Lord’s Prayer.
And then read this by a Muslim who wrote 800 years ago. He wrote it for you.
Apply to everything you wrote. Out loud.
Martin
PS live every moment for your little girl. She is your purpose.
Brittany…
I have had many struggles off and on, including with doubts and wondering if my faith is disappearing. To fear that there is no God, but to also NEED God to be real, and especially Jesus. Others here have felt this, too. Sometimes, I also get discouraged by this forum and I have to step away, or just not participate as actively.
Let me say this, and say it plainly: If this forum is discouraging you and tearing you down, step away from it. Right now, you are in a stage of life that requires a lot of love, encouragement, and edification. If you’re not getting that here, get away from it. Immediately. You don’t need it right now. Find a place, a church family or a group of Christian friends, somewhere, something, somebody, that will give you the encouragement that you need right now.
I’m going to pray for you with my heart of hearts and with as much fervor as I can muster, on my knees, begging and pleading. For you.
In the future, I will happily unpack the reasons why I believe. Right now, I just don’t have the time to write all of that. But your pain and your desperation hurt my heart. I swear to you, I will pray for you until you have an answer, one way or another…
You have my heart and care, sister. Please let me know as soon as you know more, and when I have time I will give you the best ■■■■ defense I think I can roll out.
With love in Christ,
-Joshua W.
Yes, your prayers definitely count. Please pray fervently for me. I prayed the Lord’s prayer just now like you recommended. I hadn’t done that in a while. My grandmother used to have us recite the Lord’s prayer before bed. I pray that the prayer has all the meaning and power that it had all those years ago.
You just made me cry right now. I so needed to hear this. Thank you so much for your prayers. I don’t have a church family or a church to go to. I kind of fell away from the church a few years ago. I guess I should be finding one now. I promise I’ll keep you updated. And I would love to hear that defense when it’s ready. I really need it. Thank you for the love
Thank you for interceding for me. I am so grateful.
It does Brittany. Right now, I just said, Lord, Brittany wants me to pray fervently for her, and as if on cue my eyes heated up and I pulsed with yearning. God can’t not yearn back at you Brittany. I’m sorry for having been part of the problem here. Brittany, it’s up to us. Together. Now. We’re all in this together, in the gutter, looking up at the stars. Now. Did you read the Rumi?
PS do you have a crucifix?
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, Brittany. That is a huge load to bear.
I used to push back against this idea too (though not all atheists are like the vocal antitheists), but we are all broken. There is no shame in needing help, either from Jesus or from people in your community.
The best apologetic I have found is seeing Jesus at work in his people. Reading apologetic arguments has its place, but if I’m argued into something I can just as easily be argued out of it. I hope you’re able to find a community of believers to meet with – we are not meant to do this alone, but it can be hard to be honest with others. I will absolutely pray for you, and believe God will meet you where you are.
Yes, I did read the poem. I remembered it from a while back. I thought it was beautiful then and now. But now I also find it incredibly scary. I don’t know how to manage.
Do you mean a cross? Otherwise I don’t own a crucifix. I do happen to have a chocolate cross that I bought for my daughter’s easter basket yesterday lol.
Thank you, I really do need to find a church home. I’ve just been kind of numb and frozen lately. That does make sense what you said about apologetic arguments. I must have spent days reading all sorts of apologetics. But it hasn’t stopped me from backsliding at times. And incidentally enough, it’s usually not apologetic arguments that end up bringing me back. I just don’t know where to start and figured it was as good a place as any. Thank you for your kindness. Please pray and talk to God for me. Ask Him for mercy on my behalf. Ask Him to let me be a mother to the daughter He has given me. Ask Him to do me this kindness. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I appreciate all of you.
You’re being as brave as it gets. You can’t be brave if you’re not scared. Glad you know Rumi. Jesus wants us to be completely honest. With Him. With each other WHEN IT’S SAFE. It is here, in public. If anyone contacts you privately, I would say that that is not appropriate ever, apart from the moderators, only respond publicly, transparently. We are all fully accountable to each other here.
Do you paint? Draw? Sketch in charcoal?
Yeah a cross is good, for your neck, one for your hand in wood. So is a crucifix on the wall, showing Jesus’ passion. Like yours.
No, I don’t have much time for hobbies since I had my daughter. She happily takes up most of my time. I do like to read though. And I did used to sketch every so often.
You need to express your feelings without restraint. Charcoal is very immediate. You are giving most what you want most. To your little girl. That is its own reward. But you will receive.
I know not everyone believes in miracles. And I’m guilty of being a skeptic myself sometimes. Even though I’ve seen God work in my life. So could we all pray together for a miracle in my life? Pray that God would intervene in my weak, human life. I desire it and pray for it.
I really hope so. I pray that God receives my prayers, receives our prayers and agreement.
I dont want you to be discouraged by this but ihad to pray for months since i have become an atheist.
But empathy still seems to run trough my veins.Ive putted everything aside and prayed for you.Something which i havent dont for myself
Strange thing how similar situations in life can make you so much in touch with someothers huh Brittany 
[just a little joke sorry for my absurd humour.}
Take care dear .I hope God hears you,A miracle is coming!!