Humor in Science and Theology

An uncle who lived in a very arid region where there was a hot spring the waters of which were abundant in sulfur, boron, fluorine, and arsenic used to respond with, “So’s the water from the hot springs” (I can’t remember the name, drat it anyway). He even had the snark to get an old bottle-capping machine and some clear bottles and fill a few dozen then stick on his own label, “Natural Spring Water” with the various minerals listed (a lot more than I remembered here).

In geology class we got an entire lecture on asbestos! More than we ever wanted to know: there are six different minerals that are called asbestos, and they come in two types; five are in one class and have crystalline forms with sharp edges “that would make a scalpel envious”, and one that has a “curly” structure that is hardly more dangerous than clay dust. Of course industrial production didn’t care what mineral they actually had; they all have basically the same macro properties. But asbestos got such a bad name that the one company that was using just then “curly” mineral got knocked out of business because legislators couldn’t be bothered to actually learn some science.

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Not a Heisenberg one?

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My older brother had a bumper sticker back in the day:

“Accidents cause people.”

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image

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Amazing that made it past the screening.

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Virginia is for lovers of power, perhaps?

And on the same car:

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I remember one summer at our county fair they had the most packed crowds ever in the carnival area: it was “Weird Al Day” and that was all the monster speakers up on the Ferris Wheel played for six hours straight. Kids were paying to get on rides – any rides! – just to be there. I was on the “Paratroopers” when “Eat It” came on and we were bellowing out the words at the tops of our lungs, and was just getting on the Hammer when “Another One Rides the Bus” started, which hit us as so appropriate we couldn’t stop laughing even while we sang along. I was on the Tilt A’ Whirl crammed in with four friends when “I Love Rocky Road” played. The atmosphere was infective; the operators pushed the machines right up to the red zones, like running the Ferris Wheel in high gear, which just drew more kids.

I learned later that a friend in college went to high school with Weird Al; Yankovich was weird clear back then, reportedly doing things like sitting in class with both feet tucked behind his neck.

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It’s actually an ‘argument’ from contradiction*: God says:

“You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God"

Then He gives commands for the Tabernacle and later the Temple for there to be images, and Solomon adds some on his own initiative as the Temple is being built, and God blesses the Temple and sets His presence on/in it – so an apparent contradiction, a way of teaching rabbis have loved pretty much since there have been trained rabbis; the point is to think it through and go back to the source if there is one to see the resolution.

In this case, back up a step:

“You shall have no other gods before me.”

Oh, wait – that’s the standard translation, but it’s dishonest because they dropped a word, and that word is very important because it also appears in the “images” statement. This should read (going a bit literal to catch the sense):

“Not shall there be to yourself gods – other ones – before Me.”

So there’s actually a parallel going on here; “No images for yourself” and “No other gods”, and though there’s material in between the parallel is still important: the two statements are a ‘bonded’ pair, so the second has to be taken in light of the first.
And in case the student missed the connection, God makes it moderately explicit:

“You shall not bow [yourself] down to them or serve them.”

I put “yourself” in brackets because it isn’t a separate word in the Hebrew, but the Hebrew word “bow down” is in a form that carries a reflexive sense, so not just “bow down”, but an emphatic “bow yourself down”.

So it isn’t actually a blanket prohibition of images, it’s a bit of commentary on the Word against other gods, like, “Yes, Israel, I mean all those little wooden and clay figurines you keep secret in your houses and pray to – you made them for yourselves, and since you bow down to them I meant them, too, when I say ‘No other gods’… just in case you were thinking that those are okay because they’re not in a shrine or temple”.

It’s always fascinated me that the Jews had images all over the Temple yet thought this was a separate commandment.

= = = + = = = + = = = + = = =

trivia: the Hebrew word in question is “פֶ֣֙סֶל֙”, “pesel” (kinda rhymes with “vessel”), and it really ought to be translated as “crafted”, because it’s used of making things by carving, hammering, finishing metal that was shaped in a mold, shaping clay, inscribing (chiseling), etc. It started off having to do with carving but expanded to cover any form achieved by applying force.
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  • I came to this on my own but had it confirmed by a rabbi visiting St. Louis University whom I bumped into in the rare books room; he asserted that Israel knew this but radicalized at the time of Ezra and Nehemiah and then even more legalistic with the Maccabee rebellion.
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I think it was St. John Chrysostom who claimed it was a pomegranate.

And some later less pious thinker asserted that it was actually mistletoe and its use led to the very first sexual activity… which was what really [ticked] God off.

More recently a Christian comedian held that it must have been nectarines, because he can take or leave apples but he can’t resist a nectarine.

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I’m trying to figure out why in Switzerland the top of the scythe should be attached wrong.

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A friend turned in a geology paper that had a stain like the coffee one above but from beer; the deadline was near enough that he was going to have to sprint to get the thing into the professor’s extra-large mail slot so he didn’t have time to re-type the page.

When he got it back there was a note in red ink with an arrow pointing to the stain:
“When including specimens, please provide identification”.

On a different note, I attended a seminar once where a Greek Orthodox priest was using Venn diagrams to illustrate the range of Christological heresies. That was fun all by itself, but then a Jesuit priest muttered, “That would work better in three dimensions”.
What are the odds of finding both a Greek Orthodox and a Jesuit who both have degrees in mathematics at a theological conference?

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I saw one that said “What doesn’t kill you will just mutate and try again”.

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Sort of along the same lines.

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Science related, and I’m sure some religious link as well:

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And then when it goes on for a long time, it’s a hominideatathon.

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I need to install a new camera to find out how a culprit is getting out of the place!

My new puppy (had him six months) is an escape artist. I’ve already found and blocked eleven different avenues of exit that he’d discovered, but this one has me stumped.

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Not necessarily. A friend in grad school worked at a mental hospital where the director, an atheist, believed in demon possession due to some of the cases considered incurable, not just because of the incredible deviance of the mental issues but because they showed knowledge they shouldn’t have been able to have, such as ‘greeting’ a doctor by name before the doctor opened the door to their room/cell.

My friend couldn’t get over the fact that someone believed in demons but not in God; the atheist just said, “That’s the kind of universe we’re stuck with”.

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I have a friend who uses a memorable phrase, but he goes an extra step: he uses the words in alphabetical order on the premise that a line that makes sense is easier to crack. Another friend uses a memorable phrase but inverts every other word. Yet another uses a set of his favorite book titles with the last digit of the year he read them following the first word of each title.

It would be interesting to see how powerful each of those is.

Then there’s one of my passwords that uses the name of my favorite pet, a membership number, and a favorite activity; each has the same number of characters so it’s the first of each, then the second of each, then the third of each. It looks like absolute gibberish and was rated “Strong” before I was even halfway done. Not long ago I was told to update my password, so I stuck keyboard symbols in between the sets; it is now 36 characters long and looks at first glance like a random string.

But most of my passwords are the names of people and places . . . from my old fantasy RPG from my college days; not a one is a word in English, Spanish, or Latin, and some are nigh unto impossible to pronounce.

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A lot of mine are based on binomina, and so are difficult to recognize for someone outside of the field, even without substituting characters.

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