Independent Bible church pastor, unaccredited Bible college president, world-renowned biblical scientist, and the Apologist of the Great Plains.
For more than forty years, the Dr. Rev. Christian Bellows has trained generations of Christian fundamentalists to be men of light in a world of darkness, men of goodness in a world of evil, men of truth in a world of lies.
But the battle is getting worse, the attacks from the evil one are increasing. Evolutionists, abortionists, feminists, Mohammadeans, homosexuals, and Democrats, they are all threatening to lead the world to hell in a handbasket. Is there any hope? Can the Apologist of the Great Plains help us?
Yes, he can! But while Dr. Rev. Bellows is without a doubt an extraordinary specimen, he cannot do it all by himself. He needs you to join him! That’s why he wrote this book. The Lord’s army needs more soldiers with sharpened King James swords, ready to do battle against the godless liberals.
This is your training manual. The time is now, so do not delay. Open this book and you too will discover how a Christian Bellows timeless truth in a world of lies.
I don’t remember if I posted this story or not…
We didn’t whup our kids, of course, but one Sunday night, my (then) 2 year old was getting antsy during an evening service. My wife took her back to wiggle better in the foyer. Somehow, in the middle of the sermon, she must have gotten loose–and my energetic daughter was running, giggling wildly, up the aisle toward the front, with my poor wife in hot pursuit! The house broke down laughing. As an older couple remarked to me later, “We suspected she wasn’t responding to an altar call!”
How funny this would be depends on the local culture of the Sunday services.
In our Sunday services, small kids (less than 3 years) are roaming quite freely. There is a playing room for kids but often the small kids want to walk to their parents or even go to look who is talking. If they are too noisy or start to compete for the attention of the audience with the speaker, they are carried away. Otherwise they can attend, even if they sometimes may stand or sit a moment by a speaker at the front. Families with small children like it because they can attend without being nervous about how others will react to their lively children. Other adults smile more often when there are small kids attending, which is good as long as the kids don’t try to steal the show (they often try it).
A practical tip is that we have placed couches and an armchair behind the chair rows, close to the door to the play room. These are reserved for families with small kids. Kids walking between the play room and their parents on the couches do not disturb others and the parents can attend the service with all others. Life with small kids can be an isolating experience if the parent (mother) has to spend those years with kids in other rooms than the space where all others are attending the service.
Though keeping an eye on them is somewhat important. I know one church where a story is that one day the congregation noticed an odd noise on the roof like an extra heavy squirrel running around.
Absolutely. It is amazing how fast and interested about everything that is not normally allowed they can be. I sometimes participate in the work of the sound team and I always check first all switches and controls to see what has been turned on or off.
The smallest kids are not the greatest problem, the older ‘I guess I know what to do’ -kids are more clever at getting the equipment in a mysterious state. Sometimes (/usually) the kids are 30+ years old. Those kids inspire prayer. Lord, please give me wisdom to understand what needs to be done.
