For those have underwent anything similar, how might time have helped? I fear my troubles are primarily emotional, I hope I can overcome what I see as ultimately unnecessary worrying and that I can become a reasonable person in spite of that with faith in Christ which is important to me. Can I be someone who is more self sustaining in these matters yet still listens to others?
Absolutely. I am quite open minded in matters and have gone from not believing in the big bang or evolution, to believing in both and I am still learning. My foundation isn’t in knowledge, that is why I can be open minded. If you build your foundation on the truth of who God is, nothing can shake that foundation.
Like Job, if my house burns down, and my kids die, and I lose every material thing. God is still good, tht truth is my foundation. His actions is not what makes Him good, it is a truth. Why was I blessed with those things in the first place? I didn’t deserve them more than any one else. I don’t deserve His blessings or His love. Thankfully He is merciful and gracious and just, and decides to bless me and allows me to come to Him through justification in His son. But I don’t deserve any of that.
If you don’t believe in God, then you can attempt to constrain Him to your mind and say He isn’t good because death or suffering or anything you want. But if you believe in the God, the Creator of us and everything in it, then you must believe in His truths and that fact that He is good. That is an unshakable foundation.
But being humans, and imperfect, even with that foundation that Job did have, he still faltered after enough physical suffering and emotional suffering and abuse from his friends. We are human, even Peter denied Jesus 3 times. So don’t beat yourself up if you do falter. It is easier to talk the talk than it is to walk the walk. So take courage when you fall, in that God loves you and provides friends and family and Christian brothers and sisters to help you get back on your feet. And when back on your feet, forgets the past, and wants you to try to do better in the present, and not worry about the future, nor put burdens of that past on yourself.