The Bible being nonsense is obvious. People are predisposed to literalism and read scripture through a lens of concordism as if it fell from heaven and reflects God’s divine perspective on every issue. When read in this manner, as an encyclopedia of theological facts, a lot of scripture fits into the heading of “BS” to use your terminology. Kangaroos and penguins swimming across vast oceans, tens of thousands of miles, to board an impossibly gigantic wooden ship built by a 600 year old man? A talking snake in a magic garden convincing a couple who didn’t know good or evil to evilly eat a piece of fruit, bringing cancer into the world? Talking asses, living in a fish’s belly for three days and nights? Hercules with good hair slaughtering a thousand men with the jawbone of a donkey?
George Carlin is a comedian. Is a caricature of God meant to promote humor that troubling to you? The problem is there is truth to the caricature. Because there are a lot of literalists. Some Christians think most of the world is going to hell, a place of eternal conscious torment. To be quite frank, its one of the most vile human beliefs ever created and its completely antithetical to everything I believe and love about Jesus. I understand God can’t fit into my own box, I have to conform to Him but eternally tormenting people is a bridge built too far. Bending a knee to that would be out of fear, not love. But even then, Christians don’t believe you end up in hell because you “broke a few rules.” Despite how much I disagree with them, misrepresentation is misrepresentation.
Open up the gospel of Luke and read about Him. Meet Jesus or remeet Him and let the Holy Spirit do the work. Worrying about all the odd things other people believe will only lead you astray. Trying to prove Christianity or defending Jesus from all his pious but profoundly mistaken followers will lead you nowhere. I am a Christian because of Jesus and the Holy Spirit. There is no other reason for me. Worrying about what everyone else believes is an excuse to avoid Jesus I have to reject.
For some of us, the doctrine of accommodation means scripture does contain BS. God allowed the BS of man to be canonized and tried to reach us through it. I have 0 faith in the Bible itself. It is just ink on cellulose, atoms and molecules with no more intrinsic value than any other atoms and molecules. It contains the same errors as other texts and as Dale Martin wrote: “We may trust scripture to provide what we need for our salvation. We may trust that we can read scripture in prayerful hope that God will speak to us through our reading that text. But ultimately this belief—or, perhaps better put, this stance, attitude, or habitus—is actually an expression of our faith not in a text but in God and the holy spirit. We “leave it up to the holy spirit” to protect us from damnable error in our readings of scripture. We depend on God to keep us with God in our readings of scripture. Properly understood, the doctrine of the infallibility of scripture is a statement less about a text and more about God.”
Its only difficult when we bring all of our baggage to Christianity and the Bible. Jesus summarized things very simply for us on how to live. If you are unaware of what he said on that front, I encourage your to read the Gospels and find out for yourself.