There is one complexity concerning marriage customs that is very rarely connected to the situation of Jesus. In fact, it would seem this particular Church Father discussion is so alien to the modern mindset the average reader misses the point all together.
Below is chapter 23, of Book IX of Refutation of All Heresies (Book IX)
Chapter 23. Another Sect of the Esseni: the Pharisees.
There is then another order of the Essenes who use the same customs and prescribed method of living with the foregoing sects, but make an alteration from these in one respect, viz., marriage.
. . . they maintain that those who have abrogated matrimony commit some terrible offense, which is for the destruction of life, and that they ought not to cut off the succession of children; for, that if all entertained this opinion, the entire race of men would easily be exterminated.
However, they make a trial of their betrothed women for a period of three years; and when they have been three times purified, with a view of proving their ability of bringing forth children, so then they wed.
[^^^The above text is key - - men and women have three years to prove that they are fertile with each other BEFORE they marry! Otherwise, if they marry and find that there are no children … divorce, highly frowned upon if not outright prohibited amongst themselves would be the only solution!]
“They do not, however, cohabit with pregnant women, evincing that they marry not from sensual motives, but from the advantage of children. And the women likewise undergo ablution in a similar manner (with their husbands), and are themselves also arrayed in a linen garment, after the mode in which the men are with their girdles. These things, then, are the statements which I have to make respecting the Esseni.”
If, in fact, Jesus was betrothed to Mary in an Essene tradition, Jesus may well have died before they could be officially married.