My old church was a beginning church plant. There were about 30 members in total. I haven’t been in years so I don’t know how things worked out. If it’s defunct I can just try somewhere else. One thing my city does not lack is churches. I remember when I was church shopping years ago. I sat in the back pew trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Then I saw one of the choir members coming down aisle crying with her eyes set on me. She pushed her way into the pew beside me and said God told her to come talk to me. I was a little flabbergasted. She took me by the hand and pulled me to the front of the church where the pastor was preaching and hollering in a loud voice. She pulled me to the edge of the stage and he leaned down and grabbed me by the head on both sides. He was praying rapidly and unintelligibly. By this time the congregation had stood up and we’re weeping and wailing. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone come stand behind me with their arms out. I couldn’t turn my head because the pastor still had my head gripped between his hands. After a few seconds of him praying, he suddenly gave my head a sharp push. I staggered slightly but stayed standing. After a few more intervals of him praying and pushing on my head, and me refusing to fall down (because I realized what was happening and wouldn’t give them the satisfaction) he lost interest. He told me I could return to my seat and then he wiped his hands with a small cloth and went back to preaching. My hair was still wet from having washed it that morning. It was a weird experience and I kind of felt exploited. Needles to say, I never went back.
That was a very provisional ‘like’ 
, but not about your not going back!
What a terrible experience. There are many churches out there who will love and accept you for yourself and help you find your place.
Well, it would “creep me out” a bit too if someone just decided that they wanted to make me the center of attention like that (or that God had told them to). I had a guy do that to me in a church parking lot once. We can presume that such people are/were well meaning and just leave it at that.
But you need a church that you feel comfortable in. There is the old saying, “You find the perfect church, You join it. Now it is no longer perfect.” And this is sadly true…but since you say that your community has plenty of churches, then take your time and look around. The more experience you get with various visits, the more you will kind of “know” what you do and do not want in a place.
You said you are “afraid that you could have ALS.” If that does turn out to be your diagnosis, then visit als.org/local-support-groups
and once on that site, click “local support” and then “Resources”. From there try “home health care resources” and there is some publication (28 pgs) called “Living with ALS at home.” You can download this. But, of course, make sure you are correct about that diagnosis.
And enjoy that baby!!!
Brittany, I am praying earnestly for you today. While I am a firm supporter of apologetics, it seems to me that apologetics are not most apropos at a time like this. Even a sound, correct, and convincing intellectual argument seems hollow when you are in crisis. Loving God with your mind is critical, but having your heart and soul nourished by Him might be more urgent right now (Mark 12:30). Perhaps you would be interested to return to apologetics at another time.
There is nothing strange about questioning at a time like this, having some faith mixed with doubt (Mark 9:24). I just want to encourage you to take both the pain and the questions to God. Please don’t be discouraged or disillusioned by unbelieving “solutions.” True hope, both present and eternal, is in God alone.
If you are up for it, I suggest the book “Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering” by Timothy Keller. I think he takes a sensitive, realistic, and Godly approach.
I pray for your encouragement and even deeper faith in Christ because of this trial that He is allowing in your life. May you feel God’s presence today.
Hi. Thank you so much for your prayers. I love knowing that people are praying for me. It gives me the sense that things are being worked out.
I do know Tim Keller, not personally of course. He’s one of my favorite teachers. Thank you for the recommendation and encouragement. I’m feeling kind of fragile right now, so I think I’ll sign off. If I could ask a favor, please pray tonight that God would renew me and allow me to be present with my daughter. I’ve been worrying so much that I’m afraid I haven’t been paying her enough attention. Thank you.
Of course prayers Brittany, and some words I hope will help.
Our Father promises us rewards for all our suffering. This is not our primary life and our death is but a scratch, healed by a kiss.
We read our Father is in us as we are in Him. We do not have to go far. We know He is in us by His loving Spirit that He promises His children that is compelling us to do good. He wants us to hold on to Him and learn to depend on Him for everything we need. For God is Spirit and His Divine Spirit is love, all giving, all-sustaining.
If you have difficulty seeing our Father in you, look at your daughter. If she brings you a flower she had just picked, whose spirit is compelling her?
But why must we suffer at all? Our frustrations is just one of two results that manifested from something else that we needed for eternity. But that is a deeper discussion.
With 
and 
’s
Hi Brittany!
I would like to start by telling you that there are no definitive “proofs” for God, as it were, or for the Christian faith. We can build a case that can become compelling, but in the end it doesn’t matter. Knowledge will never save you. We need faith, and we need God’s grace. A good defense can help, though.
I don’t have a lot of time right now, but I want to present you with a theodicy. I hope that it speaks to you in your suffering. A theodicy, in case you do not know, is a defense of God’s character, particularly justice, holiness, or even love in light of suffering or the problem of evil. I know that you’re suffering greatly. The problem of evil and of suffering is a significant one, and there is, I think, but one good answer to it.
It is a very simple one, but it has resounded within me and, I suspect, it will also resound within you. The theodicy is this–Jesus is fully human. Yes, He is fully God. But He is also fully human. The Scriptures say that He was tempted in every way common to us. There is nothing that we have experienced that God Himself has not, in some way, experienced. The hardships you are facing–God knows hardship. The pain you feel–God knows pain, physical and emotional. He is well-acquainted with them. God knows what it’s like to feel sick. To feel hunger and thirst. To feel the agony of death, whether His own or the loss of a loved one like Lazarus.
You see, God doesn’t just have knowledge of suffering. He has experience. Existential knowledge of suffering. He has it. This, the writer of Hebrews says, makes Him a sympathetic high priest. Think about that. He’s not some lofty judge, detached from us and our suffering. He is not a mere mind or some transcendent, non-relatable arbiter of morality. No…He knows what it’s like to be tempted. To be tempted to anger, to lust, to pride–the writer of Hebrews says He has been tempted in every respect, yet is without sin! He knows, and this, dear Brittany, colors all of His mercy and grace and justice and holiness.
He knows your weaknesses. He knows your sorrows. He knows your pain. He has felt weakness and sorrow and pain Himself. And He is with you in them and through them. He loves you. He loves you more than anyone can love someone. He loves you to the point of humble servitude and death, for your sake. Wow!
So, I hope that you take comfort in the fact that He knows, existentially, what you’re going through. It comforts me. I have known suffering, both physical and emotional. And I know He has, too, and that He’s with me. And He is with you, too, Brittany. Even when the darkness seems to crowd out the light…that’s when you just need to look for a little candle, the still small voice. He’s always with you. He promised that He always will be.
This is what I leave you with, for now.
-Joshua W.
P.S. There were a lot of Messianic figures in Jesus’ time. When they died, so did their movements. But Jesus’ movement is a stubborn one. Why? The apostles weren’t looking for a savior from sin and death. They were looking for a political Messiah. So when Jesus died, why did they continue to believe He was the Messiah, to the point of death? Just something to think about…
Hi Brittany,
Faith is actually an empirical secular word that religions also use for the same meaning and origin. Our faith in something comes from its faithfulness. Same root word. Easy peasy.
I would describe our daily exercise in faith as saying most everything we do is done out of expectation [faith]. We would be more surprised if it the door didn’t open, or the light didn’t come on as expected. Our faith is built or “given to us” by it’s faithfulness else we would not have much faith in it.
In the Christian context, faith is one of the fruits of s loving Spirit that God gives us ala builds in us by His faithfulness. IMHO, the Christian gospel is not a fake it until you make it as some assume, but “give us our daily bread” and our faith is built on Him fulfilling His promices. I hope this provides a good foundation to start from and you find all your answers.
I hate that touchy-feely stuff! People need to respect us and keep their claws to themselves.
Hi. Thank you for coming back to give me a defense. I really appreciate it. I think I need to read it a couple of times to let it really sink in. The part about God’s love for me stands out. I know that if God loves me as much as you claim, then he would never do anything against me. I know that’s what the Bible says too. But it’s one thing to hear it, and another to experience it. Thank you so much for your continued prayers. And I would like you to pray for me that I would experience and continue to grow in God’s love. I was able to get my appointment moved to tomorrow because of a cancellation. Please pray that no matter what, God will strengthen me to meet the occasion. Thank you again for being here for me.
Hi. Thank you for your response. Your definition of faith is new to me. I’ve never heard it interpreted it that way, but I think I like it. It makes me feel better that I don’t just “have” faith. God’s faithfulness produces the faith. It’s simple, but so profound. Please pray to God for me. Ask him to send manna from heaven daily to me. Thank you so much for your perspective.
Hi again Brittany.
Here are a couple more additional examples of our Father supplying what we need. If you need the verses, I’ll look them up for you.
You must believe: Peter said he believed Jesus was the messiah. Jesus in turn told Peter that it was Gods Witness within Peter that gave him his belief.
You must repent (change your mind): Isreal rejoiced in hearing that God granted repentance (a reason to change their minds) to the Gentiles.
I’m so sorry Brittany, I can’t. Mainly because my whole heart and mind would not be in it as I’ve learned His answers to praying is more dependent on our heart and seriousness which I would be lacking as my understanding of give us our daily bread is something we continually pray each day to keep our focus and ears on Him and His loving His Spirit to guide us. We are to grow in His Spirit, praying once and done slows our learning. Realizing this and remembering to ask daily (hourly, or when the time comes) was my prayer for you. 
I’ve found God gives what we need far more often than what we specifically asked for. “I believe, help my unbelief.”
For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what one does not have. 2 Corinthians 8:12, NIV
Where two are in agreement, Jesus is there, who is our passage to our Father who promises to keep His promises. Receive your faith in Him.
Now, let it is done according to His promise. Amen
Please let me know how your appointment goes. I have said a prayer for you.
Hello:) Thank you for those examples. I can think of many times when God supplied my own needs. Whenever I’m in crisis mode though, it’s like I lose all my memory. I can never be reminded enough times that God does provide. And thank you for praying and agreeing with me.
Hey, good afternoon to you. I had my appointment earlier. The neurologist gave me a clinical exam, which he said was normal. He didn’t give me an all clear though. He wants me to have a pulmonary function test and to see him again in 3 months. I don’t like being left in limbo like this. But I’ll take it. Thank you for your prayers.
So good to hear you got a good report. Sounds like you are in good hands. Don’t worry too much about the tests and recheck, no doubt checking to make sure nothing missed.
Brittany,
I would encourage you to find a good church, where you will be loved and helped. The answers to your questions will come in time bit by bit.
This topic was automatically closed 6 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.