How do they say the first ‘r’ in straighter? Obviously, they lose the second one.
Too late to find out now … from my one informant.
Proof angels are male.
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The thing about New England accents is that the Rs are not actually omitted so much as rearranged. 
For example, many people whose names end in “a” never hear them spoken that way by people with Maine accents. People with names like Hannah, Ella, or Brenda become Hanner, Eller, and Brender. So all they really do is take Rs from where they are and move them to places they aren’t. Not sure whether they eventually break even or not. 
(And there are slight differences in the different New England accents of course).
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Customers were comparing unit prices and discovered that they were higher in the Family Value Size than the regular package? 
People don’t read labels! (Like Excedrin Migraine… same active ingredients, way higher unit price than plain ol’ regular, and the house brand works the same at half the cost.)
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I suppose if a store is going to push “buy one for the price of two” sorts of deals, naturally you wouldn’t want your clientele getting too mathematical while waiting in line.
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Two for the price of one is the sale at the shoe store.
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But when you get home, open up the shoebox, and discover that the left shoe was optional, and will only be included with extra charge, then you know that probably isn’t the shoe store for you.
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I saw a huge billboard on the way to Chicago 2 weeks ago, advertising for a vasectomy–“Get One Side Done, Get the Second Side Free!” Wish I could have stopped to photograph it.
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That would work at a carwash, too.
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Try driving clockwise in a six-lane one in the UK. 
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Here’s a variation!:
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I just threw up a little in my mouth. Driving on the wrong side of the road is hard enough without this sort of madness. And don’t even get me started on the towering hedgerows growing right up to the edge of the road on both sides of two-lane roads. Suicide.
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I was rounding a tight and narrow lefthand curve in Wales with stone walls right up to the pavement on either side. At that moment, a large and long tour bus was coming the other way with the middle of the bus very definitely over on my side of the center (picture a chord in your junior high geometry lesson). As I put the left front fender right up to the wall, my wife says, in a remarkably calm voice, “You’re awfully close over here.” When I get out to inspect the damage to the rental car, all I could find was a small hedge-sized leaf from foliage on the wall in the crack between the headlight assembly and the quarter panel. I think it was an angel’s wing. Whew! (I did have scuffs from curbs on the left-side wheel covers before we were finished our 10-day B&B jaunt, though. Our far and away favorite stay was Dethick Manor.)
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When I first drove there was in the early 70s. I remember making a left turn into the right lane and finding myself nose to nose with a car at a stop sign… in his left lane, of course. 
I can just about hear the driver muttering “Bloody Yank!” 
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