I am EC, the Christian girl I am dating is OEC. And now she says raising children isn’t an option because we differ too much on that, and that children need the parents to be on the same team regarding such things.
I don’t mind raising my future kids with different approaches to creation. But she does.
Are there any articles on how to raise kids in such a situation? (And which she could read without turning her off.)
And if you have some advice, please share. Thanks!
The way I tend to approach it is that there are some things we should agree on as Christians, which I usually refer to as “the main things” informally, but more accurately would call primary beliefs. These are the Apostles Creed type things. There are then the “minor things” that we can disagree on but still consider ourselves brothers and sisters in Christ, which are things like infant baptism and those secondary issues that sometimes separate denominations. Then, there are tertiary issues that we can differ on and still be within the bounds of a denomination. I would put evolution and beliefs on origins there. Perhaps in discussing it, you can examine what the two of you consider is truly important. Children are literal, and having a OEC viewpoint is easier to understand as to God’s providence in creation for a child, so would certainly not object to that. The problem comes if we try to make the origins argument a primary thing.
I realize my previous post is long on the obvious and short on practical advice. As far as practical advice, perhaps it would be good to explore how you both understand scripture by reading some books or watching YouTube’s if you prefer, by Walton on early Genesis, as he really does not take a hard line on the origins issue, but focuses on how to understand what the text says. We can only provide the raw material that others can use to come to their own conclusions, but they do have to have that raw material to work with.
I doubt there would be much in the way of articles over this question specifically as it pertains to creationism, though there is probably a ton of literature on how parents who differ with each other can raise kids … which when you think about it … is all of us really. Show me a couple who “agrees” with each other about everything, and I’ll show you a couple where one of them (almost always the wife) has - either voluntarily or not - just been compelled to pretend she always agrees with her husband. While many (especially in my parents generation) managed to make something like that work, they did so at the expense of the submissive partner. And I wouldn’t wish to model my own marriage after that.
But your (and her) question is a little different … this isn’t just anything to you (or her) … but one of the main things. This one is important to you - or maybe more to her. It’s interesting that she is OEC. You should ask her this … what if you were YEC? Would that be a deal breaker for her? I’m half suspecting she might not be; as in - she’s probably okay with you being more literal than her, but not less? If that turns out to be true, then I’d want to know why she would tolerate that difference? What brought her to her OEC position, and how would she feel if a YEC then refused to raise kids with her because of her allowance to think a bit differently on something that a YEC feels is really important: a young earth. And if she thinks they ought to be flexible on that point, then shouldn’t she also be willing to be flexible, or does she really think she’s landed on the right answer for all time?
I know these are just arguing points which probably isn’t productive for a relationship. But you could also phrase it as a productive opportunity to raise kids who’ll have a treasure that many kids don’t get: a model of Christian parents who respect and love each other despite disagreeing over doctrinal stuff! Those kids would be extra prepared for a world in which they can live in Christian faith without it having to be one and only one exact brittle thing in their minds!
Children should be informed that the theory of evolution is the best scientifuc explanation for the history of life on earth, but that it’s an inadequate, overrated theory and is almost certainly a long way from the truth.
Take evolutionary creationist. Some believes that God somehow manipulated events to ensure humans evolved. Others think that God , through they exist, has nothing to do with how things worked out. There was wide enough of a range, and misuses and misunderstandings of the term creationist that I dropped it. I still believe basically the same thing I believed when I used the label EC but found that I prefer the term “Christian naturalist” more. Naturalism is that things happen naturally with no supernatural influences and that’s my stance. I don’t personally believe that God guided evolution. I don’t think God had a hand in abiogenesis. I think God’s interaction with life does not involve hijacking free will.
Some old earth creationist believe the same as the first type of evolutionary creationist. As in they think God used evolution to bring us about. Some believe that evolution happens, but that God made humans separately at some point.
It is a red flag though that your gf draws lines in the sand so easily. If she’s an old earth creationist, she’s at least somewhat open to science and maybe overtime, I am assuming yall are younger, she will be less demanding. If kids are very important to both of yall, and this is a line in the sand she refuses to move on from, you can either just say you’ll let her raise them with her belief.’by the time the kids are 13+ years old, or even 16+ and this becomes something they really think about you can just tell them your belief anyways.
It’s kind of hard to really offer advice on how to possibly introduce her to better science without knowing shat her stance is.
If she accepts animal evolution and several billion year old world, then presumably she accepts primate evolution. But if she accepts that’s but rejects humans evolved, I would simply focus on primate evolution a bit. Maybe she will connect the dots. Especially if she accepts the other species or humans. The same science and theories on how dinosaurs became modern birds is the same one on how some ancient primates became human.
“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” -Colossians 4:6
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