I was brought up in a literal interpretation background. I studied mission and Theology. My study of Genesis 1 in Hebrew eventually swayed me to consider theistic evolutionism. Happy to talk more about it but Gen 1 wasn’t written to be taken literally. Too many sea monsters.
Anyway, despite having accepted evolution for a while, having studied Theology and thought I knew all the answers, I’ve had a couple of difficult years, and I’m now feeling broken, worn out, and wondering if I believe at all.
I’ve started wondering where the bible stops being myth and becomes history, I’m struggling to understand how a God who is supposed to be inherently truthful would allow his main body of revelation to us to begin with myth. I realised that my old way of knowing God was real was based on joining the dots that reinforced my existing worldview. I’ve looked into archaeology to try to answer the question of where the bible stops being myth, and the faith-based and secular bodies of archeology tell two completely different stories so I ended up more confused. I’m also wondering if this view makes God into a mad scientist- causing generations of death and suffering to see if somebody will eventually worship him.
I’m not sure if the reason these questions have become important is because I’ve had a difficult couple of years. My husband became chronically unwell while I was pregnant with our second child. I’ve been in survival mode since then, taking care of everyone and providing for the family. We both neglected our own spiritual disciplines and I’m in two minds. My believer way of thinking tells me this is happening because I am not dwelling in the word, my agnostic mind telling me I only ever believed because I joined the dots that reinforced what I wanted to believe.
Greetings, Michaela. I honor your struggles and studies.
I think many of us feel the same.
I honestly don’t know the full answers.
I do believe at base, even the most devout Christians are agnostic (I do consider myself a Christian).
I look forward to others’ thoughts.
I think Dr Lamoureux has helped a lot with the division of myth and more factual origin. @DOL
I also appreciate Greg Boyd’s “Benefit of the Doubt.”
I’m not sure I have found a lot of answers; compassion is uppermost in my finding. My patron saints seem to be Puddleglum and Emeth from Lewis’ books. Neither had a lot of accurate knowledge, but seemed to learn more compassion and humility.
Hi Michaela, and welcome to the forum. Thanks for sharing a bit of your own story.
You aren’t alone in feeling disorientation when former understandings are forced to give way. This forum is full of people at all sorts of points along that journey, including some voices that don’t share in that faith or who maybe let go of it at some point. So I can’t promise you that all of that disorientation will just go away once you find these new wineskins. The best way I think to put it here is that one can eventually just find their “sea legs” and no longer be disturbed by the boat that continues to rock or by the fact that not every dot gets connected even after God brings us to new understandings.
But community is important, and this community - with all its various voices, has served as an online refuge for many. Not a substitute for a physical church community, mind you. But valuable nonetheless. Of all the doom-scrolling or conspiracy-pushing hangouts that clamor for your eyeballs on the internet, you do well to end up in places like this.
May you have some good interactions and sense God’s working presence through your participation here.
Hi, Michaela. Thanks for sharing your honest thoughts and feelings. I can’t speak for others, but I know that when my younger son was sick with cancer, I had all the same doubts and fears about God. It took me many years to work my way through the layers of suffering.
I hope you find some comfort in being able to share with others here. I don’t think we’re meant to face these difficult questions alone.
Faith in the World of Humans is not too promising, History of Human Behavior repeats. My Faith for Me and Others is We will be in Heaven eventually, by the Granting of the Almighty. This doesn’t mean it’s only Hell on Earth, We can see Our Father interaction now and then. The World condition is mostly of the free will of Us Humans and it’s not easy to see Our Father’s involvement. I know I’m behaving as a Born Again Child and will be in Heaven like Jesus eventually as Jesus said “Whoever believeth in Me Shall have Everlasting Life”
When the understanding of the reality (worldview) or a major part of it collapses, it takes time to build a new and more stable one. Especially so if you have to live in survival mode. As a believer, or even an ‘agnostic believer’, you can carry your burdens and questions to God and trust He cares.
John tells about Jesus that he was full of grace and truth. We need both.
Continuing as a believer is relying on the grace we get through Jesus. We do not deserve it, we cannot earn it, we can just accept it like a child.
Truth is the other half. It does not mean knowing everything correctly, rather we need the attitude of accepting and striving towards truth. Admitting the truth about ourselves and our situation in front of God. I believe it also includes accepting what we learn as truth, not uncritically but taking what stands testing.
It may be good to have a questioning attitude towards the claims we hear. It is fine and healthy to acknowledge that there is much we do not know - we are some kind of ‘agnostics’ in these matters and that is ok. Knowledge does not save us but it may make our worldview more stable, less vulnerable to conflicting claims.
“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” -Colossians 4:6
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