Tom, I can sympathize with you, although my situation is somewhat different than yours. I was raised as a Catholic, and, although we were not taught Biblical Inerrancy in parochial school, we were taught that it was wrong to question Church tradition and dogma. As an altar boy (acolyte) I enjoyed church ritual, and it made the sacraments more meaningful. Until I reached my teens, this was fine–I could ‘go with the flow’.
Upon entering a public high school at an early age (12) and choosing a science major, I wanted to develop any intellectual gifts I might have inherited, and began to read widely–including some books on the Church’s ‘Forbidden’ list (as I later learned). When I read about the heated debates between Pelagius and Augustine and between Erasmus and Luther, I formed a Worldview somewhat different than the orthodox Roman Catholic Church recommended with respect to Original Sin and Freedom of Will. Still, I could not bring myself to cast aside the Faith that got me that far in life and which provided such a fruitful guide for my Mom and other close relatives. Although labels often are misleading, I was, nevertheless, becoming a Christian Humanist–even though that term could be considered a oxymoron. (?) I certainly did not think I should try to act as “missionary” and convince my loved ones to accept my outlook on life. (When I told my Mom what I had learned in class about evolution, she replied [erroneously but effectively]: “You may have descended from a monkey, but I certainly did NOT.”]
When our paster (Rev. Don Webber) asked me and my wife (a convert to Catholicism) to become Eucharistic Ministers, I fully supported his choice for her, but I demurred, citing my current belief: Jesus’ presence in the host was purely spiritual, and that the term, ‘transubstantiation’ was misleading. I was quite surprised when he (with a Masters in Theology) said that was OK!
Tom, I can’t say if my experience has any relevance to your situation (the ‘identity crisis’ of reconciling Christian Humanist with BaptistChurch Elder), but if, after full disclosure, you are still accepted in that role by other church Elders, then go for it! I am pretty sure your congregation will not resent you for it. In my case, I am sure the parishioners that line up to receive the consecrated hosts from my hand have a somewhat different Faith than I do, but their simpler Faith (which I almost envy) does not seem to have been threatened by mine. And, the Good Lord knows, their Faith has buttressed mine throughout these last 40-some years.
May the good Lord continue to bless your search for a Truth that will enrich your life on this earth, and to those to whom you pass it on.
Al Leo