The definition of the self is core to the philosophy laid out in the bible. the biggest misinterpretation lies in the way people understand the word of God which is as far away from the golden rule as one can be. in the modern time we define the self inside ourselves, reflected in the idolisation of the apple and the I, really a pinnacle of marketing strategy 
If you have “enlightened self-interest” you will have recognised the self in the all, e.g. outside of you. To love like Jesus has loved does not mean to give people what they want to make them happy to enjoy a smile and a hug of pleasure but to give them what they need and enjoy a hug of thankfulness for having fulfilled that need. A toy is a need for those who need distraction from suffering. If it is there to enhance someone’s pleasure you should ask yourself if this is really a gift of love