You can grab a child that is running towards the street but not punish physically. Even the mildest forms of physical punisment are forbidden. It demands a different attitude and approach from the parents. Some things still remain the same, you can give rewards, threaten, take away privileges like watching programs or using the phone.
When my children were small, they sometimes watched supernanny programs. Once they demanded that we should also have a staircase punishment, similar to what a supernanny used in the program. If you did not obey, you had to go to staircase and sit there without moving some time. The time to sit was calculated from the age, one minute per year.
As long as they felt that the punishment was fair, they were willing to sit their time without trying to run away.
Parents might restrain the bodies intellectually undeveloped brains, but a good parentās goal is to train the child so that (s)he grows up to make his own decisions by freewill, and not by force.
I think that is idealistic and doesnāt recognize the situational aspect of reality and the innumerably many situations. If there are multiple children, letās say in a refugee scenario or some other emergency situationā¦
Sure, the goal, but meanwhileā¦ (and some children are more obstinate than others).
The question is, at what point must a parent ālet goā of a grown child despite ongoing obstinance? However tragic and sad it is for the parent? E.g., if a grown child addicted to drugs refuses to go for substance abuse treatment, a parent is not allowed to use coercive force to keep him locked at home in the parentās basement against the personās will. That is then considered abuse/ kidnapping by the parent.
Sure, we can imagine all kinds of situations but physical punishment is seldom enough to help in rapid emergency situations. If kids learn to obey without physical punishment, they may be easier to guide in emergency situations. Army style parenting with physical punishment may also keep children obeying but it is not the only or the best way.
Some children are more obstinate than others but mere physical punishment is not enough to keep such kids in control. Smallest children can be grabbed and hold, with larger children there is a possibility to discuss and educate. That has to be done in advance, in an emergency situation it is too late to start discussions.
Mothers with many children (>10) have told that life with the first ones was more demanding than with the latter ones. The reason is simple: older children must take some responsibility for the younger ones because the parents cannot take care of everyone simultaneously. It is more demanding for the older kids but thatās life in a big family. That is the way how multiple children are grown and seems to work ok.
My immediate thought was, what happens if that was the reason they were well behaved, and then suddenly they are too big/old for a spanking? Could they go off rails more easily, because why be good anymore? Itās a bit like Christians who only obey commandments because theyāre terrified of hell, I think thereās some analogy here.
Agreed. There are reasons not to use force or violence in training dogs even if that may sometimes constrain some behaviors. You canāt harness its best from a dog that only obeys you out of fear. The cost of certainty is burnt bridges.
In Philemon, Paul writes that he could have ordered him (Philemon) to do the right thing, but that he instead ādidnāt want to do anything without your consent, so that your goodness wouldnāt be by force but by free will.ā
In Paulās eyes it is better to be a brother than a slave.
I just thought that dovetailed nicely with your response, Marta.