I can only definitely remember doing that once (or maybe more than once in a narrow window of time) when I was in severe anguish and distress – it will have been thirty years ago this fall.
It was after when I had left my career and quit my job in medical electronics and gone to med school at the maybe ridiculous age of 43. They had just that fall radically condensed the curriculum to introduce clinical experience week one instead of year three by cramming all of the basic science courses into morning classes so as to have clinical exposure in the afternoons, and the faculty did not have their act completely together (there was wasted students’ time as a result, time they did not have to spare). That, combined with the facts that I had not taken biochem or A&P as an undergrad, and I am not a quick memorizer. I had gotten an A on the first combined test of all the sciences but was being overwhelmed by a tsunami of data and memorization, and I knew I was in a tailspin* and would completely fail the second one.
So at least once I was prostrate on the floor of my little apartment pleading in severe anguish and perplexity, not knowing who I was or what I was supposed to be doing. I don’t think I would call it despair however – I remember an important verse to me at the time was Isaiah 46:4,
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
There are numerous more details including at least three special providences of remarkable timing and placing over the next four months (not counting the several confirming that I should go on my little excursion to med school in the first place), but I was given a new position with my former employer at no loss of pay, benefits or seniority, and totally unexpectedly – it was a wonderful surprise. And I was rescued.
*One of the difficult providences, or part of the series (our trials are designed for us, if we belong to him), was that I had to transcribe the Krebs Cycle lecture for the note taking service that all of the students subscribed to. A lecture would be recorded and the recording (a mini-cassette, ‘back in the day’ ; - ) given to the assigned student to transcribe overnight and the transcription taken to the campus’ copy center. Copies of the transcripts of all the previous day’s lectures would be handed out to all the students later that day. The purpose of the process was of course so that students could listen to each lecture more intently instead of having to be simultaneously scribbling notes. Well, the lecture was on a Friday and it took me an exorbitant amount of time over the weekend trying to understand and learn it as I was transcribing it. I didn’t even really know what ATP was nor how it worked. That expense of time set me back in my studies of the other sciences. My anxiety was growing and because of that I couldn’t study and then I couldn’t sleep because of my anxiety, was then short of sleep so I couldn’t study… and thus it spiraled down. I was only getting about four hours of sleep each night and for several weeks on end.