I’ve dealt with depression for my entire life and a major component of that depression is my inability to genuinely believe in a form of higher power. I wouldn’t consider myself an atheist/agnostic, but I more or less have lived as an agnostic most of my life. I’ve tried to come to some form of belief in a God and a meaning to life and sometimes I am able to latch onto something for a while but it always fades in time. It just doesn’t seem realistic to me. This has left me with an immense feeling of emptiness and pointlessness that permeates every aspect of my life.
However, recently I discovered a website called ScienceMeetsReligion.org which I think gives very interesting points on having reasonable faith that doesn’t have to conflict with science. This opened my mind to faith once more but that alone wasn’t enough to instill it within me.
Unrelated to my reading of SMR, I watched a video about mysteries in the bible. I’m something of a mystery junkie and I took a pretty healthy interest in biblical mysteries but also the bible in general and Jesus in particular. I began reading the bible (I’m almost done with exodus as I write this) and while I have tried to keep a degree of skepticism and I don’t take it literally, I can’t help but get this very strange…comforting feeling of hope when I read it. Particularly when I read about the life of Jesus and not only the things that he taught, but the horrific things that he endured.
I feel as though I may finally be on a path that leads me to a more fulfilling life, but a huge part of me feels like I’m just giving into ignorance and mysticism.