Since you say you are a mystery junkie, in recent months, I have contemplated a statement I read somewhere that I think leaves the door open for the Holy Spirit to reach us where we live and for us to get close to Him in prayer and spiritually. You may want to give it some thought. I wish I wrote down who said it, but the thought is this; “God works Anonymously with us so we can live Autonomously with Him.” When you get to Isaiah in your Bible reading, you will find that he was escorted into the throne room of God. He immediately fell down and said, “woe is me; I am undone. I am a man of unclean lips and live with men of unclean lips!” God had an angel bring a live coal from the alter and purge his sin. He does for us what we cannot do for ourselves. That is what Jesus’s mission to Earth was about.
My view is that the “Anonymous” presence of God by his Holy Spirit is a work of grace that gives us freedom before Him without his awesome presence “undoing” us like Isaiah. When you read God’s Word and find the “comforting feeling of hope,” you will be encouraged that the book of John will name that mysterious one as the Holy Spirit. He is the comforter who will draw close to you in your depression and the one who will give substance to your faith. When you reach out to Jesus with your heart, he will hold you close.
You mentioned that you “latch onto something for a while, but it always fades.” Last night’s dinner faded away today and you fully expected it to be that way. That is why you prepared another meal for today, and it will fade away tomorrow. You will develop a spiritual appetite as you get to know the Holy Spirit better Feeding on the Word of God in the Bible will help. Fellowship in a solid Bible church will help. Making Christion friends in a 'Life Group" will help. Daily devotionals will help. I recommend “Our Daily Bread” which I have read for over fifty years as a resource you can find online.
Another thing to think about is this. You recognize your “inability to believe in a form of a higher power.” It is entirely possible that the Holy Spirit revealed that need to you. You do not need to consider yourself 'an atheist/agnostic", you have moved beyond that. You are clearly a seeker who is finding your place in God’s family. The Holy Spirit is faithful, you can depend on Him to lead you into spiritual fulfillment and a useful ministry in His work.
Regarding your comment about giving in to ignorance and mysticism, I am working on a manuscript to bridge the perceived gap between our beliefs and science. It has required reading over a hundred books, the Bible cover to cover several times, and many conversations with accomplished scientists and unbelievers. BioLogos can help you overcome ignorance and mysticism.
By the way, no one should tell you that His way is without challenges and problems. Some say, “He won’t lead you to it unless He plans to lead you through it.” We are His children, and I’m an 82-year-old toddler. He holds my hand and He will hold yours. Blessings.