Dear David, thank you for this very personal account of your life with God. I found it moving in parts because I identified with it. I continue to struggle with doubts about my own salvation, and that is something you previously struggled with. I find the Bible confusing on this important issue, so I wondered if you recommended any particular books for reading?
Ive found over the years that a significant number of Christians do believe one’s salvation does depend on you. Not just sins, but perhaps even more so the good you dont do. NT Wright, for example, seems to believe that one is only ‘justified’ at the end of your life because it is the life led that provides the justification for salvation. Similarly others argue that although one is saved by grace, through faith, that faith must be demonstrated in the life led by way of behaviour and commitment. That is good works and a certain way of life demonstrate that claimed faith to be real, and therefore one is saved. Do you see why I find it all confusing and depressing?
Ill be honest. Im a gay Christian who is celibate but who struggles with online sexual inappropriateness/sin, and no doubt many would look at me and my life and say I wasnt a Christian. They may be right. Yet when I read you saying you felt God’s annoyance at you doubting your own salvation and you heard the words “it’s paid for”, it brought tears to my eyes. I wish I could have such assurance but I dont.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I do deeply appreciate it.
I can’t think of any one particular book I’d recommend. Different writers have spoken deeply to me at different times. Phillip Yancey, Rob Bell, Tim Keller, Brennan Manning, Tullian Tchividjian and C.S. Lewis are big names I tend to come back to repeatedly because they each have a way of highlight the concept of grace in a unique way. I don’t agree with all of Tim Keller’s theology, but the way he illustrates grace in his sermons, to me is second to none.
Yes I do see why you find it confusing and depressing. Understanding the differing views across Christianity concerning theology has been helpful to me to realize that everyone is trying to find the answer and well meaning people across the ages have devoted their lives to the endeavor.
I personally do not have much use for structured attempts to climb up to God and tell other people how to do it.
I think that inevitably turns into tribalism. The message of Jesus, if it is anything, it is God loves you more than you or I can ever comprehend.
Jesus didn’t come to give good advice or be a good example. He came to do what we could not ever do for ourselves (past, present or future).
At the end of the day, being a Christian boils down to believing in God’s love for you. That He would become a man and die for you. That’s it. That’s what it means to be saved by grace through faith.
A friend of mine said recently that it is hard for people who are really good to see God’s grace because they don’t realize how bad they really are. That is why religion can be so dangerous because it had a tendency to make us think more highly of ourselves than we should based on our own efforts instead of being recipients of God’s love and acceptance of us.
I am not anyone’s judge. All I know is if at the end of the day, right standing with God depends on anything other than the reckless and wasteful grace of God in my life, I don’t stand a chance. And I am confident, that giving up of my own self effort to be right or stay right is exactly what God wants. See Romans 4
Allow your heart the space to doubt the people who say you have to meet a standard. Allow your heart the space for God’s grace in your life. Allow yourself in faith to see God put His arms around you and tell you that you are loved beyond worthiness and unworthiness, that you you are His and that anything and everything that would ever separate you from His love has been taken care of forever.
Allow your heart to believe in the God who is love my friend.
Here’s a quick video I love from Tim Keller that touches on some of the things we discussed here. Thank you for your message and for sharing a little about your life.
History is full of Christians who have been keenly aware of all the ways they have failed to live a life worthy of the calling they have received. But God’s grace is really really big, and Jesus shares our humanity and intercedes as someone who can sympathize with all our weaknesses. Don’t lose heart. You are loved and redeemed.
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Klax
(The only thing that matters is faith expressed in love.)
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Aye David. We’re very privileged.
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Klax
(The only thing that matters is faith expressed in love.)
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This is the best on-line resource bar none for inquiring Christian minds.
It occurs to me that perhaps I can use an example from science to illustrate some of the difficulty in this issue…
Would you say that when an apple falls from a tree, that it depends on the apple whether it hits the ground or not?
If you say no… then are you implying that the mass, density, and shape of the apple has nothing to do with it?
If you say yes… then are you implying that the gravity of the earth and wind have no effect on the apple?
I believe 100% in the gospel of salvation by the grace of God. But I do not believe in magic. I do not believe that God waves His “hands” with a few magic words and all the self destructive habits of our sin (which create hell wherever we go) simply vanish. Grace is not magic and we are not products magic. We are not magical golems who are only the way we are just because God made us that way. I don’t believe such a thing. That is inconsistent with everything we see in the world around us. Nor are we characters in a dream or book God has concocted by whim. We are a mostly a product of fixed laws that are both measurable and demonstrable (and to some degree our own choices play a role in that). So I believe in the gospel of salvation by the grace of God IN THAT CONTEXT.
God reaches down into our lives in order to bring about the events which inspire us to begin changing from the self-destructive habits of sin and death to the good habits of life so we grow and learn to do better. The grace of God is a work IN US. To be sure Jesus said about salvation in Matthew 19, " With men this is impossible , but with God all things are possible." But Jesus NEVER said that what we do doesn’t matter, quite the contrary. The grace of God is a work IN US, and of course the raw materials are very important. Repentance is important. Faith is important. Effort is important. Love is important. It all matters. But that doesn’t means we can do it. We can’t. We are are not only incapable but we are blind. If we try to save ourselves, it is only too likely we will go in completely the wrong direction if by some unlikely way we manage to alter our course at all.
