This seems as if the studies may be somewhat biased:
Man Checks News Each Morning To See Whether Coffee Going To Give Him Cancer Or Grant Him Immortality | The Babylon Bee
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Dear Lord,
Please, if coffee grants him immortality, PLEASE, no man-bun. A respectable pony tale or wild long hair would be just fine.
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Skeleton of Quandale dingle:
Giant hands and small feet
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The one I went out with wasn’t very friendly. Called my humor unfunny and constantly liked to make these “ĖÆŒ” sounds. Was also quite unpleasant to the other people there, as they seemed to flee in fear while screaming at 20,000 decibels.
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I don’t object to being reminded of our general monkey heritage. It is the accusation of the microbe connection that is unreasonable since everything shares it. 
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Canines have been known to not always get their facts straight about evolutionary theory.
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Still I’m accustomed to them remaining worshipful toward us. Now I’m wondering what they say among themselves when our backs are turned. No, dog is good!
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Canines maybe… Hams too, I hear
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It’s what cats say that you don’t want to hear. 
Not know for the dispassionate logic of Spock, but still worth noting is the Tubman Stamp, which I still need to procure:
Other forms of logic apply in this matter.
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I’m looking forward to that book too!
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