Sometimes reading about different experiences in here is crazy to me. I have noticed many churches, and people who seemed obsessed with sex and comes up with these weird social expectations of men and woman. It’s even weirder seeing it as an adult.
These weird “fears” and expectations seem to create big insecurities. My fiancée is in China for example and she occasionally posts pictures of herself at the movies ( obviously pre-covid) with other men. Or she will post about how she and some guy had a great night and went out to eat, went to the movies, and so on. Guys use to tag me and be like isn’t this your woman? I would be like yeah… and they would be like did you see this, and I would explain yeah and I liked it and I’m glad she had a fun evening with her friend. They start talking as if I’m somehow playing with fire and it’s ridiculous. Likewise I often go hiking or camping and sometimes it’s with a woman. People will comment , I thought your gf was Asian or did y’all break up and ect… when no. I spent time with a friend. It’s not just the religious world either. There are a lot of very insecure people , including liberal atheists, who have these very controlling toxic relationships. If you see two people out in public around the same age having fun people almost always initially thinks they are dating.
I have a friend named Beau from childhood. He was the first persons house I ever stayed the night at. I was 15. Never liked staying the night at other peoples houses. Even now I rarely do. But once a year me and Beau, who is very clearly gay, goes to a small ocean side town Oregon. Except for the last two years for various reasons. We go to the same sandwich shop and book store and it’s still owned and operated by the same people. The people who own it a few years ago told us how crazy it is that we have been together for so long. Lol. They thought we was a couple. It was weird but we explained no we are just friends.
Or how I have a friend named Leo. She and I have been friends for about 7 years. She now lives about 5 hours away. Sometimes she comes over and spends the weekend. We will lay in bed together and watch horror movies. We have never kissed or wanted too. Just strictly friends. Had a man once who found out she was staying over sometimes tell me that we are giving the image of sin. So I told him, don’t worry, we will put on rings to trick everyone into thinking we are married and solve the problem. He mentioned we should flee from temptation. I explained well someone should have warned Jesus about having out with sex workers then.
People are often confused how can I support opposite sex friends of people in relationships to hang out alone together. I explain because it’s not evil. If it’s a temptation for you then avoid it. If not, then maybe stop pretending it’s evil. Scripture says don’t lust after a woman, and don’t have sex before marriage, and don’t have sex outside of marriage. It never says a man and a woman can’t be good friends.
It’s bizarre that some people believe that opposite sex friendship can’t exist and that it’s just a pathway to sex or relationships. It’s almost like instead of someone learning to control themselves, they try to remove the temptation by demanding others to wear more clothes and don’t spend time with them. I live near the beach. There are very pretty women walking around all day wearing little clothing. We can’t control who are attracted too. But we can control what we think about and what we do. If a pretty girl walks out in front of me, I’ll almost instantly realize I find they are attractive. It’s normal. It’s not evil. What gets sinful is if I allow myself to look at them and undress them with my eyes. We all see men and women in stores who are noticeable staring someone down. We even creepily probably see people trying to take pictures.
In the gym I often see very fit woman working out. I’ll notice often that when a woman is working out, like doing squats, several men will be staring. Sometimes to the point a woman will just leave. Though I think unfortunately many of them are use to it and just ignore it. When I’m in the gym with someone from church, if they seem to be gawking I’ll point out that it’s ok to recognize attraction. Being attracted to someone is not evil. But you control your eyes. Don’t look at them as if they are meat. Dont stare at their bodies. Don’t allow yourself to fantasize about them. It is a choice. You can actively stop your thoughts. You can train yourself in righteousness. Feeling sad, angry, turned on, or scared are all normal biological processes. It’s all part of being a human. Of being a animal even. But what sets us apart, is that we can choose to not sin in those emotions. We can choose to control our thoughts and actions.
But it seems like instead the church, snd society in whole wants to instead control others. Instead of not looking at a woman in a bikini at the beach playing volleyball, and instead of not fantasizing about them , people will blame them and say well they need to hop around less and wear shorts and a shirt. This is not saying peolle need to be mindful of what they do snd wear, but that what a other person is doing or wearing does not force us to look at them or fantasize abkut them.
But until people can develop self disciple and pursue righteousness, snd learn how to have friends of the opposite sex, and stop treating everything as if it’s flirting with sin I don’t think the church, or society will move past it and this overly conservative approach of just avoid them and so on is why there is this giant leap on the other side to pursue more snd more lewd practices.